I'll start with the 26th of December.
I had my last chemotherapy treatment and settled into the weekend to get through the yuck that it brought. Monday the 29th my son Landon had several friends over for a Netflix movie marathon, which was perfect for me. It kept the kids home, occupied, and they left me alone to rest. I felt sick, out of breath and very tired. So I slept in and allowed the marathon downstairs. At about 11:30 a.m., I awoke and went downstairs to eat something. Then I realized that the teenagers needed lunch, so I ordered a stack of pizzas and decided to grab Maggie and go pick them up.
Why didn't I have them delivered? It didn't occur to me...I felt well enough to drive. Until I started driving! I was halfway to the Jonesville Hungry Howies before I began to feel dizzy, lightheaded and nauseous. For those of you not living in Gainesville, this is just a straight shot a few miles down the road from my house. I fought to hold on but I knew that I should pull over, so once I got close enough, I veered into the Jonesville Publix parking lot and parked at the entrance to the lot, close to Newberry Road. I put my head on the steering wheel and waited for the feeling to pass, but it didn't. It got worse, so I got out of the car and knelt down. I thought maybe I'd just put my head down for a few minutes, so I knelt down on my knees and put my forehead onto the pavement...in the middle of a parking spot. Maggie stayed in the car...she thought I'd just throw up and feel better...she has seen me sick before.
Why didn't I have them delivered? It didn't occur to me...I felt well enough to drive. Until I started driving! I was halfway to the Jonesville Hungry Howies before I began to feel dizzy, lightheaded and nauseous. For those of you not living in Gainesville, this is just a straight shot a few miles down the road from my house. I fought to hold on but I knew that I should pull over, so once I got close enough, I veered into the Jonesville Publix parking lot and parked at the entrance to the lot, close to Newberry Road. I put my head on the steering wheel and waited for the feeling to pass, but it didn't. It got worse, so I got out of the car and knelt down. I thought maybe I'd just put my head down for a few minutes, so I knelt down on my knees and put my forehead onto the pavement...in the middle of a parking spot. Maggie stayed in the car...she thought I'd just throw up and feel better...she has seen me sick before.
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| Adam really enjoyed teasing me about my great parking job! This is how he found the car later that night. |
The next thing I'm aware of is this big engine sound, and a man saying, "Ma'am, are you alright?"
I looked up and saw that the fire department had pulled up and upon discovering me laying in the parking lot, stopped to inquire...can't imagine why they'd think anything was wrong! Ha! So I told them that I was fine and experiencing chemo side effects and it was still a little fresh...I just needed a minute to collect myself. Except then the next thing I know, I'm flat on my back staring up at a fireman's face as he's talking to Maggie.
Once I was awake, he proceeded to explain to me that I'd had a syncope episode in front of them and started asking me all kinds of questions. Apparently I had fainted and Maggie just kind of caught me as I fell back. By that time, I asked Maggie to call Adam. The fire department called an ambulance and they all decided to tell Adam to meet me at the hospital. Except I didn't think I needed the hospital, so I told them that Adam could just pick me up. Then, the paramedic said that he "really, really, encouraged me to go to the hospital." I really didn't want to go and felt that it was kind of extreme and totally unnecessary, but something made me agree with them.
I felt kind of stupid getting on the gurney and as we were traveling, the paramedic asked me to lose my sweatshirt and t-shirt so that he could hook me up with stuff. Um, nope. I am not cute under all of my clothes and he wasn't about to see that, so I got all modest on him and said NOPE. The hospital could do it...I was pretty sure they wouldn't need to anyway so what was the point? Well that was a big fat mistake...I learned the hard way that when a paramedic says to lose the shirt, you lose it! And this is why.
I started to faint again. I remember losing my hearing, feeling my face drain, my vision going, my stomach turning and then I said something to the paramedic that is unusual. I said, "I'm leaving now." I remember him saying "What?" and I repeated it again. "I'm leaving now." Next thing I know, he's in my face, telling me to wake up while apologizing for having to cut my shirt off. He then told me that my heart stopped. He had to thump it back into rythm and I'm thinking that that's pretty weird. Then I notice the sirens, the cars parting, and realize that it's true. Then I start to kind of freak out...which means that I got very quiet and tearful. I was met at the hospital by a full team of people and thrown into a big room where a bunch of doctors and specialists would spend the next 24 hours figuring out what happened to me.
Once I was awake, he proceeded to explain to me that I'd had a syncope episode in front of them and started asking me all kinds of questions. Apparently I had fainted and Maggie just kind of caught me as I fell back. By that time, I asked Maggie to call Adam. The fire department called an ambulance and they all decided to tell Adam to meet me at the hospital. Except I didn't think I needed the hospital, so I told them that Adam could just pick me up. Then, the paramedic said that he "really, really, encouraged me to go to the hospital." I really didn't want to go and felt that it was kind of extreme and totally unnecessary, but something made me agree with them.
I felt kind of stupid getting on the gurney and as we were traveling, the paramedic asked me to lose my sweatshirt and t-shirt so that he could hook me up with stuff. Um, nope. I am not cute under all of my clothes and he wasn't about to see that, so I got all modest on him and said NOPE. The hospital could do it...I was pretty sure they wouldn't need to anyway so what was the point? Well that was a big fat mistake...I learned the hard way that when a paramedic says to lose the shirt, you lose it! And this is why.
I started to faint again. I remember losing my hearing, feeling my face drain, my vision going, my stomach turning and then I said something to the paramedic that is unusual. I said, "I'm leaving now." I remember him saying "What?" and I repeated it again. "I'm leaving now." Next thing I know, he's in my face, telling me to wake up while apologizing for having to cut my shirt off. He then told me that my heart stopped. He had to thump it back into rythm and I'm thinking that that's pretty weird. Then I notice the sirens, the cars parting, and realize that it's true. Then I start to kind of freak out...which means that I got very quiet and tearful. I was met at the hospital by a full team of people and thrown into a big room where a bunch of doctors and specialists would spend the next 24 hours figuring out what happened to me.
My oncologist came numerous times, each time with more research done to try and figure out why this happened. Long story short is that it was not caused by chemo...never has my type of chemo combined with the amount and number of doses given caused someone to flat-line like I did. Oh, I officially had an 8 second "pause". Pretty weird, especially on a 38 year old.
My cardiologist ordered all kinds of tests. Nothing can be found. My heart looks good. I had X-rays, echo-cardiograms, cat scan, ultrasounds, blood work, etc...everything came back looking good.
My primary care doctor was in and out too. He was the one who kind of orchestrated all of the efforts and was in control of my stay. He was also flabbergasted.
After all the testing was done, they were in agreement of one thing. I needed a pace-maker. For some reason, my heart was misfiring and even if they ever figured out way, it didn't ever need to happen again. So the consensus was unanimous. I was getting one and getting it right away.
I ended up staying in the hospital for three days. During that time, I was lucky enough to be operated on by an amazing doctor! Big thanks to my friend Holly who filled me in on all of the products that I could possibly be using, and giving me great relief knowing that I'd be taken care of no matter who my doctor was. When I went into the operating room, they all knew who I was because of Holly...she had called them and filled them in on me and I felt at ease even through my nerves. Holly provides pacemakers and had worked with these doctors in the past and loves them all. I am very very lucky to know her! It helped greatly to have that connection when I was so overwhelmed by it all.
The surgery went well, no problems and the pacemaker is now a part of me...I can do anything I want (after the initial first few weeks of healing) and once I got some food in me and felt strong enough, I came home.
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| After surgery, ready to go home! |
So, what have I learned? A few things.
I know that if Landon hadn't had a party, I would have stayed at home and died in bed. Why did I leave the house to pick up the pizza instead of opt for delivery? Normal people have pizza delivered when they feel bad. I would have died at home if I had done that.
I know that if Landon hadn't had a party, I would have stayed at home and died in bed. Why did I leave the house to pick up the pizza instead of opt for delivery? Normal people have pizza delivered when they feel bad. I would have died at home if I had done that.
I know that I was at the right place at the right time. I know that I was prompted to leave the house at that moment. I know that the fire department was led to me. They weren't out fighting fires or on a call. They were grocery shopping and happened to drive down the parking lane that I was laying face down on. I know that was a miracle. I had only been laying there for a few minutes when they found me. If they hadn't, I would have coded in the parking lot in front of Maggie and died.
I know that I am supposed to be alive at this time! There is more for me to do. More time with my family and friends to spend. More things for me to learn and more ways for me to grow. But maybe this growth can happen without my heart stopping or cancer growing, right?
I know that Heavenly Father is very aware of every single detail of our lives. Right down to the very second. He allows things to happen to us, and he also interferes for various reasons. I know that my life was saved by the hands of God through his children...firefighters, paramedics, doctors, and circumstances that lined up in my life to make it all possible.
I know that YOU are amazing, special and a true child of God. God is aware of you, your decisions and every aspect of your life. You have a life to LIVE and work to do. You are here for a very exact reason. You are here to make a positive impact on others, to help others and to learn and to grow! If you are wondering what your purpose in life is, just know that you have one, if not many purposes. If you don't know this, it's time to ask. It's not hard to pray and there isn't a special way in which to do it. Just talk to God...do it out loud, do it silently, on your knees or in your car. Be humble, be open and find your relationship with your Heavenly Father. If you are doing good things, then you are on the right track! Here is a valuable resource that will aid you in your search. Mormon.org
After all that has happened during 2014, I can tell you that I am a happier person than I was a year ago. I've learned more about myself and life in one small year than I've learned in years put together...appreciation for so much and many realizations that I knew before, but are much more tangible now.
Having said that, what my family has been through I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I do know that it's been good for us overall. Happy New Year everyone and here's to a wonderful 2015! (did I just jinx everyone? haha!)
I know that Heavenly Father is very aware of every single detail of our lives. Right down to the very second. He allows things to happen to us, and he also interferes for various reasons. I know that my life was saved by the hands of God through his children...firefighters, paramedics, doctors, and circumstances that lined up in my life to make it all possible.
I know that YOU are amazing, special and a true child of God. God is aware of you, your decisions and every aspect of your life. You have a life to LIVE and work to do. You are here for a very exact reason. You are here to make a positive impact on others, to help others and to learn and to grow! If you are wondering what your purpose in life is, just know that you have one, if not many purposes. If you don't know this, it's time to ask. It's not hard to pray and there isn't a special way in which to do it. Just talk to God...do it out loud, do it silently, on your knees or in your car. Be humble, be open and find your relationship with your Heavenly Father. If you are doing good things, then you are on the right track! Here is a valuable resource that will aid you in your search. Mormon.org
This song captures my feelings about life lately.
After all that has happened during 2014, I can tell you that I am a happier person than I was a year ago. I've learned more about myself and life in one small year than I've learned in years put together...appreciation for so much and many realizations that I knew before, but are much more tangible now.
Having said that, what my family has been through I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I do know that it's been good for us overall. Happy New Year everyone and here's to a wonderful 2015! (did I just jinx everyone? haha!)
